


The only thing I feel is pain caused by absence of you

by Fay_10



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Almost Confessions, Angst, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Scene: Church in London 1941 (Good Omens), they're in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 11:49:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21197180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fay_10/pseuds/Fay_10
Summary: "That wasn't it. You can have dozens of people around you and still feel lonely if..." he paused for a second to take a deep breath. " If you miss a specific one."Crowley froze and turned his gaze to the ground."Well... Whoever they are... I bet that even if they weren't physically here, they were still with you. Always."





	The only thing I feel is pain caused by absence of you

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you'll like it!
> 
> The title is from the song "Stolen dance" by Milky Chance that always reminds me of these two.

Crowley had just saved both Aziraphale and his books, so he was now on the angel's couch drinking wine, after driving them both back to the bookshop. 

The angel seemed to be really touched by Crowley's kind gesture and that couldn't make him any happier. Being the reason behind one of Aziraphale's smiles was enough to make his heart flutter. 

They were sitting side by side, filling each other in with information and news about what had happened in their lives while they were apart. 

They had missed each other terribly. And it was painfully obvious to both of them. Crowley was looking at the angel, sucking in every little detail of the face he hadn't seen for so long... His eyes, his blushed cheeks, his lips. Those lips that the demon would turn entire worlds upside down to have a taste of. He hoped that the angel wouldn't notice how his eyes lingered on him. 

He was finishing his third glass of wine when he asked teasingly. "So... other than trying to save the world from the Nazis what else have you been up to lately?" 

"It's been lonely," Aziraphale admitted softly. 

"Oh come on angel, with the personality you have I'm sure you can have as many friends as you want," he said raising his brow trying to hide the fact that this statement broke his heart.

"That wasn't it. You can have dozens of people around you and still feel lonely if" - he paused for a second to take a deep breath - "if you miss a specific one." 

Crowley froze and turned his gaze to the ground. 

"Well... Whoever they are... I bet that even if they weren't physically here, they were still with you. Always." 

"He was. In my heart. My head." The angel was looking straight into him and it made his heart stop. 

Crowley's eyes were starting to get blurry and it took all the power he had inside him not to grab Aziraphale and kiss every inch of him while telling him how much he meant to him. How madly in love he was with him. How he couldn't breathe just because he was standing next to him again. 

The angel continued. "But that doesn't mean it hurt less." 

"Maybe you should tell him." 

"Maybe. But maybe it would be unfair. When I'm not able to offer him myself completely yet." 

The angel's words brought a huge weight on the demon's chest. The heartache he felt was unbearable. "Then keep quiet. Because if he hears from you how you feel, it might drive him crazy."

"And what if I can't stand it anymore? Not having him?" They were both talking in soft whispers now. 

"I know how it feels... It won't kill you."

"It's burning me though. How long will it be until I turn into ashes?" He stared at Crowley with tears slowly filling his eyes. 

"Aziraphale..." he said breathessly

The angel got closer to him. Their arms and thighs were touching now. Crowley turned his head away from Aziraphale as if he couldn't make himself look at him in the eyes anymore.

The angel turned his body to the side and leaned his head close enough that Crowley could feel his warm breath on his neck. "Please..." he whispered with eyes closed, drunk on Crowley's scent. "Please... Just one kiss so I can have something to hold on to."

Crowley closed his own eyes too, not able to keep his head from turning towards the angel and leaning in too. Their noses and foreheads were touching and their lips were inches apart. "If I do this I won't be able to stop."

"Then don't."

"Don't make promises you cannot keep. If we cross the line tonight there is not turning back. And I know you are not ready to blow everything up yet." It killed Crowley to admit this outloud but he knew it was true. 

Aziraphale let out a sob. "Crowley..."

"I know my love, I know... I'm not blaming you." He brushed his fingers softly against his cheek. "But I can't know what it feels like to kiss you, to touch you, to love you... only for me to lose you again." 

"Can you promise me? This kiss? For when we'll be free?" 

"You really believe this day will come?" 

"I do." 

"I promise." 

They stood there for a long moment... Not talking... Not moving...Just listening to each other breathe. 

Crowley felt dizzy... hypnotized, having the angel so close to him. Everything he ever wanted was right in front of him and he couldn't love it. He opened his eyes first and moved his head away. 

"Until then... we can get all drunk we want together," he said picking up his glass to fill it with more wine. 

Aziraphale opened his eyes too and offered him a sad smile. "Yes my dear." 

They didn't talk about it again. Until, years later... after a beautiful celebratory lunch at the Ritz, Crowley kept his promise. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)


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